Our human limitations are a great challenge for most of us. I’m still struggling to find joy in simple things of life. We complicate things that can be very simple and we turn it into something very complex.
An old friend used to tell me “The cow eats grass because she likes it.” I found it a very funny sentence and took me some days to literally understand the meaning of that sentence and also relate it to my life. I realized that this phrase could be talking about our freedom to choose. How often my behavior is just like this cow? How often I live my life eating the same old grass? How long time have I spent on unproductive and fruitless thoughts? Some times I choose to live like this. It’s sounds nasty but that’s what we do in many situations of our lives. We choose to live chewing over our failures, weaknesses and faults. It seems that we often enjoy self-pity and we like to feel sorry for ourselves. Would that be lack of love? How to control and heal our imperfections and weakness? I’m saying this not because I have the solution or the answer for those questions, but because this is my everyday fight as well.
Day and night I keep looking for the love that is able to fulfill and complete me. I found it often on my way but my distractions and lapses made me lose sight of it. Than I realize I was far away from it. I had once again walked alone in the opposite direction of that love. I am the one responsible for it. I’m not saying this with guilt but aware that I have a fragile and weak human nature. It’s not easy to be human. It is not easy to live this limited condition. We have within us the seed of love that wants to lead us back to perfection but our limited nature draws us in the opposite direction or not allows us to move forward like an endless struggle in between perfection and imperfection, between the what is eternal and what is mortal. When I realized who I am, everything calmed down. I could feel peace and serenity inside me. An unique feeling.
Accept yourself, as a fragile human being and limited is the first step that leads me to discover who I am. For when I recognize my weaknesses is when I start to face them. I have learned that my inner growth depends on my capacity to love, the more I love more I grow. People say those love more, live longer. The more I love, the happier I become. As the more I seek for my self-knowledge more I discover who I am and so I accept myself more human and capable of loving.
When I wrote a silly Kid’s story about Mrs. Felicity I learned something very special from that. But now come the questions that has echo inside me, and maybe that’s the same question that cries inside of you: What makes you happy? Where is your happiness? I’ve heard many say that we seek our happiness where it is not! But reflecting on a very human level, who wants to be unhappy? Who wants to make mistakes? Who wants to be running around in their life and never leave the same place? I guess nobody! I confess that this kind of answer that I’m used to hear really annoys me. I think that I have tried to do my best in life. All of us have tried to do the best we can in order to do the right thing! We try to do it right but the problem is that we try to do the right thing by ourselves. I assume that this is the mistake. We are beloved children of God and I’m sure as a loving and good Father, He wants us to be happy. He wants to reach out and stay with us!
I don’t see any problem in making mistakes. Adam made a mistake so what’s the problem? Oh Happy sin oh necessary fault that allowed salvation to came to us! We need to grow in love to be the image and likeness of God and love requires freedom! We need to grow responsibly and for that we need the opportunity to do wrong and learn from our mistakes but for this we need humility.
The experience of failure is a good purification for us! The path of holiness arises when we become aware of our own misery! Do you know what’s the big difference between the apostles of Jesus and Judas? Well, let’s be more specific, you know what the difference between Peter and Judas? Both betrayed Jesus, both committed a major sin, but Peter appealed to the mercy and Judas did not. He dared not to go back and stand before God. He could not justify what he did. He did not find sufficient excuse to justify his sin. He repents and tries to repair his error, but his biggest mistake was that he did not abandon himself to the merciful love of the Father.
Our pride doesn’t let us come back to God. We are not humble enough for that. So we prefer to suffer rather go back with ours head down. I always think about the figure of God as doctor. But today I am sure he is more like the medical doctor! We have the medication is in our hands but we refuse to take it. We’re the kind of patient who takes a long extra time to get better because we do not follow the treatment and we forget that our disobedience can lead us to death!
For me mercy is the door of heaven! A thing that we see as misery, God sees as a great opportunity to demonstrate how much he loves us. Every mistake we make is an excuse that He finds to be even closer to us and drag us to heaven by the power of his merciful love! The call today is to not listen to blame! Sometimes guilt leads us to reject the mercy of God and therefore we do not change, do not make progress toward our happiness. Let us not complicate what is simple! Take your medicine! Accept His care and love! I need to convince myself everyday that God loves so I know that the only thing that can separate me from God is living in illusion and by not recognize my own weakness. The only thing that can bring me closer to God is his mercy because I am unworthy of his love. I belong to Him because of His mercy and nothing more!